Hi there! Bet you thought I had dropped off the face of the earth! But, I haven’t. I’ve just been………..busy, maybe.
In my last “real” post (Joy) I had pointed out that I would be focusing my time more on God because maybe I had lost joy in running. I still stand by that . So to get some type of “joy” I’ve been pouring myself into finding that joy. Right now it seems so elusive because I just find It hard to believe that I don’t have a purpose beyond all of this (imagine me holding my arms up circling around my personal space and internet space). Don’t get me wrong I LOVE all that I have but somehow it feels selfish.
Let me explain it a different way………..
Since that last post I have since signed up for my fall small group at church. I signed up for “Cure For The Common Life.” It seemed appropriate since I was having some type of soul searching event in my life. The group is great, very lively and very sharing. I don’t know anyone in the group (well okay, two people) but I’m just not as apt to share my life story verbally as I am in written word. Here it’s easy, it’s my space. It’s on my terms. Anyways, so tonight was on our S.T.O.R.Y.
“The themes in my S.T.O.R.Y who that God has put me together so that i love to (insert your Strengths)”
“I particularly like to do that with (insert your Topics)”
“I work best in optimal conditions that include (insert your Optimal conditions)”
“And I am at my best when I’m in the role of (insert your Relationships)
“All these themes of my S.T.O.R.Y. work together so that I can (insert your Yes!)”
So what does this have to do with anything you might be asking me? Well, Max Lucado explains “The oak indwells the acorn. Read your life backward and check your supplies. Rerelish your moments of success and satisfaction. For in the merger of the two, you find your uniqueness.” In other words, ‘read your life backwards.”
Believe it or not, I’ve always and I do mean always been fascinated and in love with anything regarding health/working-out. When I was a kid I wanted to be part of my mom’s exercise class so bad. I use to workout with Jane Fonda as a child by record album! As a tween my mom had to get rid of the treadmill because she couldn’t keep me off of it. The stories could go on and on. However on the flip side of it, I also was just as in love with making money! As soon as I could get a job I did. (I also wanted to be Michelle Pfiffer in Grease but we see how that turned out!)
I also couldn’t help but notice I don’t have a “common life.” I’ve always been very blessed that whatever I set my mind to I accomplished (with the exception of an Ironman). I wanted to do fitness pagents, I did. I wanted to do a marathon, I did. I wanted to start a website, I did. The list really goes on and on. I don’t have a bucket list because I’m very content with the life that I’ve lived up until now. If I killed over tomorrow I wouldn’t have any regrets…….except, I don’t know what my purpose is. I’ve done all that I’ve ever wanted to do so what the heck am I suppose to be doing?!?! Nobody can tell me that my purpose in life is just to do what I want to do. It seems very trival.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bragging or boasting. That’s not me. My point to all of this is if my past is a map to what I’m suppose to do in the future then what the heck am I suppose to do with all this?!?! If I have such a great life what in the world am I suppose to do with it?!?!
I know this is a random post but this is where I am. Not in a life crisis type of place but more in a “there’s got to be a purpose to all this” type place. I thank God everyday for all that he has given me and allowed me to experience. I thank him for all the blessings he has bestowed on me, because honestly I know there’s been many occassions that he has carried me to get to the otherside. It hasn’t always been sunshine and roses but not once has the big guy ever left me abandoned or let me down. I guess I just don’t want this life to be wasted.